Today I am 40 weeks and four days pregnant with a little boy named Jaden Kaleo. I think I might become one of those mommy's who call their children by their whole name. His reminds me of what is true "Jehovah has heard the voice". His name bears repeating because within it is a truth that I sometimes easily forget.
This morning has been a peaceful one. Rather than thinking about what to do next I simply sipped my coffee and enjoying my newly renovated home. I was tempted to turn on the news but in the stillness I felt an urging to spend time with Someone. I realized that I have been in such a mad rush of nesting that I haven't really been voicing my dreams, hopes, and fears to the One who knows my heart best. Of course, I believe He knows my heart anyway. Yet, there is something powerful about actively voicing the heart.
Someday I imagine that Jaden Kaleo will silently struggle with something that I will know about. We all struggle at times. Maybe he will struggle with classwork, or liking a girl, or losing a game. The moment he makes a choice to voice his struggles to me, well, that will be the moment my heart will break open to champion his heart like only a mommy can. In our home, the same can be said for my husband. I think the same is true with the One who placed the power of choice and the will to love within our being.
This morning I found a new copy of Studio G, Gateway's Women's Magazine. Gateway is our church home. In it the editor, Debbie Morris, introduced me to a timely concept that I would like to share with you. She said, "I've also learned that before I really believe I have to decide to believe. King David knew this truth and that's why the Psalms are loaded with heart declarations—he constantly had to tell his heart what to believe.
Now, I am at times leery of the word "declarations" because I had been formally taught that as believers we were to declare things to be different from what they were. Declaring was done with the expectation that we could change elements outside ourselves through the power resident within. This power ultimately came from God but we were encouraged to share in the glory of positive outcomes because we were also divine.
However, this morning, my heart has been rewashed with the truth of God's Word. David declared, not so much to change external elements that troubled him. He declared to remind himself, and his troubled heart, that God is a faithful lover of our souls and more than capable of rescuing us from external enemies and even ourselves.
Without a doubt there has been much to do in our home that was necessary to welcome Jaden Kaleo home. Truth be told, I am also a carbon copy of my dad who is in constant motion. Yet, I can honestly declare that I have been sweeping over the hidden parts of my heart that fear labor and wrestle with the unknowns. Shayne and I have taken loads of parenting classes in the last couple of months but who knows what it will really be like to be a mommy until you are one? I have silently struggled with fear, doubt, and concern. I am blessed to have a husband who has struggled with me but this morning there is One who seems to be reminding me that He too would like to share in my struggle.
Yesterday a dear friend texted me with some encouragement. She had a dream about Jaden Kaleo's birth. She said "in my dream everything was perfect, especially him". This morning I am not resting in the confidence that everything will go perfect. Nor am I resting because my house is in order, well, almost in order. I am resting in the stillness of deciding and declaring to remember that the One I love is with me. He hears my voice and there is nothing more powerful than that.
P.S. Before I could hit "publish" I had to dash off to a checkup. Jaden is still nice and cozy...and happy where he is. Oh baby! I am dilated to three centimeters and hoping and praying that I will go into labor soon! Oh, and Jaden is 8.5 lbs so far. Wow!